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03 January 2009 @ 07:11 pm
And two people already bailed.

I'm really, really irritated right now. I asked people a week in advanced so I KNEW how many people would be in the limo. If I knew that everything wasn't going to workout, I wouldn't of spent all this money on a limo and everything.

I really hate my friends. I hate every single damn person that I've associated myself within the last few years. Sure, their are a few exceptions to that, but I'm so sick of being let down in the end when all I want to do is make sure that I have a good time, and my friends have a good time as well. 

Happy 21st birthday to me.
Mood: infuriatedinfuriated
03 January 2009 @ 07:07 pm

So I'm sitting here waiting for the time to go back so I can start getting ready in an hour.

For some reason I am really nervous, this whole plan for tonight doesn't really seem like it's going to go smooth, a part of me is just wishing for the night to already be over so I won't be stressed out.

I'm just really worried that people are going to flake tonight, or it just won't be fun, but a part of me feels like it's going to be a great night.
Eh, we'll see.. I just need to stop over thinking everything, like always.

I haven't really updated my livejournal in awhile, I've moved over to my own website @ http://iamjaybot.net/blog/ check it out, I'll be posting pictures from tonight tomorrow morning. :)
Mood: stressedstressed
17 December 2008 @ 10:35 pm
It's been awhile since I've last written in here, I've been really busy working on my new personal blog site. I still have a lot to work on, but I think I'll be ready for the site to go live on New Years.

I've already published a bunch of personal things, and I'm really excited to get it out there. I created the site because I wanted a place where I can be really personal. LiveJournal is great and I plan on staying here as well, but the site will also act as my life timeline, portfolio, vlog, and place that I can network with others for future projects. I'm super stoked for it!

Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays so far, I've been really busy with work and everything.

21 in less than 3 weeks!!!
Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
02 December 2008 @ 09:58 pm
I went to turn in my portfolio the other day, and I met with my councelour Christian to go over it, and he critiqued me. I'm glad they're honest, they have to be right? I knew I was really lacking in the sketches department for my portfolio, and thats the only thing stopping me from getting into the school that I want to go to. I'm going to try and create six new sketches this time, but they are going to demonstrate that I am able to draw from observation, rather than just draw a bunch of random things (which is what I pretty much did.) I'm glad my councelour was able to help, and get me tips. I was so nervous going there! It was a like a fresh of breath air though, something much needed. I am READY to go to school, more than ever before. I am glad that he said my graphics design portion of the portfolio was strong, I pretty much knew thats what I didn't have to worry about anyways.

I'm also attending workshops every Saturday there to get my drawing ability up. He also said this will look good on my part for when they go over my portfolio again. God, I hope so... I'm going to be so sad if I don't get in, I'm trying to be very positive, and be optimistic about it, but with my birthday coming up, Christmas, and everything it's going to be a very stressful December, and all I want to do is spend time with someone this year on New Years, and relax. I don't think I'll be doing much of that.

Speaking about being with someone, I've been talking to someone for over the past week now, and I'm not really sure where it's going, since I feel like I'm very rusty from not even being able to talk to someone for such a long time, but so far everything has been going great. Who knows if I'm ready, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm ready to take a few chances this time.

One last thing, I'm starting up my own website, http://iamjaybot.net, and it's not completely finished, the layout that I've put up now is just a mockup and not a final product. I plan on fully launching late January, when hopefully things have died down for me! I plan on blogging over there in the future, just a heads up if anyone really reads this anyways.
Mood: stressedsore
Music: Britney Spears - "Unusual You"
23 November 2008 @ 01:15 am
I just got back from seeing Twilight, and I went in with very low expectations... I gave it a chance, and now I looooove it! I really need a vampire that'll look after me, and tell me that they can't let me go. Ugh.
Mood: weirdweird
21 November 2008 @ 11:02 pm
I went to the Britney Spears screening last night in Hollywood at the Ren Mar studios. I was expecting it to be much different, and I didn't think I was going to feel let down, especially from Britney!

She just didn't seem into it, and looked really... just bored and out of it. She was confused, or what it seemed like, and acted like she didn't care for her fans. I don't know, maybe I'm thinking to much into it, but I left feeling dissapointed, and I kept asking myself "I'm really supporting THAT?"

I never would've asked myself that a week ago.

Meh, who knows, hopefully she was just having a bad day... We all have them.. Oh, and the new Killers CD is pretty bad ass.
Mood: blahblah
Music: The Killers - "A Crippling Blow (Bonus Track)"
17 November 2008 @ 09:16 pm
Last night I originally was going to go to the gym, but I ended up meeting up with Carolyn, Amanda, Jenni and Devin for a little Circus first listen in my car. We ended up smoking, and I haven't smoked in such a long time. It was kind of cool, and the music sounded great, but it reminded me of how I used to be a couple of months ago, and it's something that I don't want to be again. Sure smoking is fun, but I know that I can't handle my limits, and of course I always end up eating a grip right after... Last night was no different. I didn't end up going to the gym, but to Jack in the Box instead. :/

I'm pretty pumped for Thursday, I'm already planning on calling in sick because I am not missing out on seeing Britney Spears, and the best part is that it's for free~! It's going to be amazing. amazing. amazing...
Mood: lazylazy
Music: Britney Spears - "Unusual You"
15 November 2008 @ 10:58 pm
I wish I was able to give better advice to someone that is crying to me over the phone. For me it's hard to comfort a friend over the phone rather than in person. I am so bummed out that I could not make it to Kevin's memorial tonight at his parents house because every damn freeway is closed because of the fires (which i'll mention in a bit). I did make an effort to try and find an alternate route to get there, but even those ways were so jammed because of everyone trying to get through. I ended up turning around because I had spent over an hour and a half in traffic, and would've most likely spent a good two or so more hours. Not to mention it took me a good hour and a half to even get home because they closed the route that I originally took, so I had to find another way home! Fuck you fires, you ruined something for me that will never be able to happen again. I wanted to be there for Kevin's birthday because he meant a lot, and you totally ruined it for me.

Speaking of the fires, I'm watching the mountain in front of me burn down. It's very scary, I really hope the firemen are able to control it, and put it out by sunrise. Thank God we haven't had to evacuate... yet. It's scary, over 6,000, I think maybe even 20,000 homes have already been burned. I'm not sure if those are the correct numbers, but these fires are damn huge. Oh, and it doesn't help that the wind is starting to start up again... Great.

On a brighter note, I was able to score to free tickets to a meet and greet with Britney Spears next Thursday. Very exciting, and I am not missing it for anything.
Mood: nervousnervous
11 November 2008 @ 10:31 pm

Happy birthday Kevin. I know you're having a blast up in Heaven watching down on all of us. We all wish you were so we could celebrate together, but I know you will be with us in spirit this weekend at your parents house.

You don't even know how much I miss you. I miss having someoneo to talk to at those random times in the middle of the night. I miss not being able to talk to you when I am super bored at a party. I miss talking about raves, and music. I miss talking about scary movies with you. I miss the feeling of being wanted. I miss that feeling of knowing a true friend. I miss that feeling of knowing someone that is genuine. I miss not being able to save every conversation we had, so I could read them later and feel instant happiness. I miss being able to genuinely smile. I miss being happy.

I miss you so much, and I don't know if anyone could fill that void right now. It's been six months, and I still think about you constantly. The thought of even trying to talk to someone else depresses me, because nobody was like you, nobody. Fuck man, you're the only homo that I know that actually plays video games, let alone your favorite genre is RPGs, which happen to be mine. I'm sure not a lot of people in this scene would know what it is, but you amazed me in every-single-way. I want to feel like I did when you were around, my heart is cold, and I need your warmth to rejuvenate me, and make me feel whole again.

We still do not know what has happened to you. But I still pray, and I keep you in my mind all the time in hopes that someday we will know what happened. You deserve it Kevin, your parents deserve it, and your friends. In time I believe God will tell us what happened to you that night, but all we can do right now is pray, and pray. Kevin, if you were still around I would of told you how I felt, but I was so scared of being rejected, I couldn't handle it. I thought it was better if we were friends, but I knew someday I wanted more.

Until then, put in a good word for me up there. I'll be seeing you again someday, I know it. Thank you for being apart of my life, you have molded something great to me. I will never forget you, and I hope you're having a blast up there for your birthday. Rest in peace bro.
Mood: sadsad
Music: Blink-182 - "Miss You"
10 November 2008 @ 06:24 pm

This past week has been very inspirational. After Prop 8 was shot down, immediate rallys and protests were organized, and I am glad of been apart of them, and the many more that are coming. A lot of people have been very supportive with these protests, and others not so much - Which is expected. I've heard a few people saying that what we're doing is a waste of time, and nothing will get changed. I only have this to say, You tell that to the people who fought for interracial marriage to be legal, and see what they have to say.

I've met a lot of great people from the four protests that I've been to, and I hope to meet many more. It's great to see the police supportive as well. I have a little more respect for them, I know they're some decent ones in that workforce, and I saw that finally. Although, I have to say that the protest in Long Beach was probly the most scary thing that I've ever been through in my life. I've never had a gun, or guns for that matter pointed directly at me. I've never felt more powerless in that moment in time, all I could do was stare, and stare directly into that persons eyes and hope that for any reason he felt like what he was doing was wrong. Because at the end of the day, you and I are the same.

I am a person that has a lot of hope. I believe that if we all stick together, and keep expressing our feelings, something will change. I'm almost dissapointed with this generation. Too many people have gotten to comfortable with this country, and do not care about their rights being stripped away left and right. I will fight for equality for everyone, and to restore the rights that have been taken away from our government. Sometimes I feel hopeless because I feel like I'm one of the very few who actually care, but after being at these protests that feeling has been eliminated. This fight is only the beginning, and we will not quit until equality has been given to everyone.

Mood: determineddetermined
Music: David Archuleta - "Touch My Hand"